Can't Change My Old Ways

Here's something that makes sense depending on how examples are given. Read on......

A man was walking in the city, when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking bum who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner. 

The man took out his wallet, extracted two dollars and asked, "If I gave you this money, will you take it and buy whiskey?" 

"No, I stopped drinking years ago," the bum said. 

"Will you use it to gamble?" 

"I don't gamble. I need everything I can get just to stay alive." 

"Will you spend the money on greens fees at a golf course?" 

"Are you NUTS! I haven't played golf in 20 years!" 

The man said, "Well, I'm not going to give you two dollars. Instead, I'm going to take you to my home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife." 

The bum was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty bad." 

The man replied, "That's OK. I just want her to see what a man looks like who's given up drinking, gambling, and golf." 

Write it, please.....

George and Samantha were having some problems at home and were giving each other the "silent treatment." But then George realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 am for an early morning drive with some pals to go golfing.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and so lose the 'war'), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00am."

The next morning, George  woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 am and that his friends had left for the golf course without him. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't awakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, "It's 5:00 am. Wake up."

Men simply are not equipped for these kinds of contests...

Not to be there again....

And another bad day!

There was an invitation for a one-man-show in Bangkok which costs 1,200 baht each ticket. The English teachers in our school were required to go see the show. There was no problem with this because the tickets were paid for by   our school but everybody of us was so upset because nobody did not like the show. It sure was a stand-up comedy but we did not benefit from the show at all. It was just a waste of time. The comedian spoke in perfect Thai. Actually, his show was just a translation of some of the slap-sticks popular among the Northern people of Thailand. We could have appreciated if our boss explained beforehand that the actor was a young male American who speaks Thai and great at  introducing jokes  about offensive comedy themes in his show so that we could have stayed home  and watched Tom and Jerry instead.

The thing was that- we came all the way from a far place (4 hours ride) just to make the guy rich in a minute with his offensive blah blahs. I just can't imagine what those little boys and girls were thinking during the show.... makes my hair stand on ends!!!yaiks!!!!

I'm very sorry for my rude comments but I don't want to be cool with such value-degrading show....

Secured Banking??

What a bad day!

Just this early afternoon, a caller from Hong Kong was inquiring about an account that's overdue from  the use of  "my" credit card. I knew he was calling from Hong Kong because the incoming number registered +88........... Duh! How could that be? I hate to tell that I long dreamt to have a credit card that's issued by a "big" bank but in no way to use it to purchase through online. I immediately contacted my bank and related the incident to which the officer-in-charge assuringly said that my account was not touched or virtually was not hacked. It came to my mind that I almost lost my hard-earned money to a swindler. He introduced himself as my bank's officer and was on his way to ask me numbers which rang the alarm! To safeguard my account, I changed my  number  and  other information relating to my bank transactions. uh uh...

Real Teachers?

Let's see if the following statements about teachers are true......

Real teachers buy Excedrin and Advil in bulk at Sam's.

Real teachers will eat anything left in the teacher's lounge.

Real teachers grade papers in the car, during commercials, in faculty meetings, in the bathroom, and at the end of nine weeks have even been seen grading in church.

Real teachers know that sixth graders get hormones from Santa at Christmas.

Real teachers cheer when they hear that April 1st does not fall on a school day.

Real teachers can't walk past a crowd of kids without straightening up the line.

Real teachers never sit down without first checking the seat of the chair.

Real teachers have disjointed necks from writing on boards without turning around.

Real teachers are written up in medical journals for the size and elasticity of their bladders.

Real teachers wear glasses from trying to read the fine print in the teacher's manuals.

Real teachers have been timed gulping down lunch in 2 minutes 18 seconds. Master teachers can eat faster than that.

Real teachers can predict exactly which parents show up at open house.

Real teachers understand the importance of making sure every kid gets a Valentine.

Real teachers never teach the conjugations of "lie" and "lay" to eighth graders. 

Praying or Cursing?

I found this Irish prayer to be funny....

May those who love us love us,
and those who do not love us,
may God turn their hearts,
and if He cannot turn their hearts
may He turn their ankles
that we may know them by their limping.

http://www.quotegarden.com/humorous.html

A Spice of Marriage

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, 

"Relatives of yours?" 

"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
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from arcamax

Miniature Cleaning Tools for Her

Here's something for us... wives......

Last year, when the power mower was broken and wouldn't run, I kept hinting to my husband that he ought to get it fixed, but somehow the message never sank in.

Finally I thought of a clever way to make the point. When my husband arrived home that day, he found me seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. He watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.

He was gone only a few moments when he came out again. He handed me a toothbrush. "When you finish cutting the grass," he said, "you might as well sweep the sidewalks."

The doctors say he will probably live, but it will be quite awhile before the cast will be off!!! 

Make Reading Exciting

I found this article a must -read one. The tips given are all doable and easy to follow. 

By PATRICK GLENN ACORIN

October 22, 2010, 5:44pm

Reading for most kids is unattractive, and there could be many reasons why. Although we really can’t tell exactly why a certain child does not want to sit down and read, we surely know why starting to read at an early age is so important.

Reading helps children develop language skills. Reading to children develops their speech, and reading improves comprehension and gives access to information – know different kinds of people, get to new places without taking a single step, and know how things are made and work. Simply put, reading is learning. It is not only a survival tool in school but also a way to enrich a person’s life.

Now, the question is how can you get your child hooked on reading? Here are some tips on how you can make reading exciting and fun.

• Show them something new and colorful. Children are always curious, and whatever is new and colorful to their eyes is interesting. Show them books on beautiful places like the pyramids in Egypt or museums in Europe. Books with colorful drawings will also find ways to your children’s laps.

• Read as if you are acting in a play. More than reading, kids like watching. When you are reading to them, they would be more interested if you are also acting. Use as many facial expressions, different voices, and if you have time to be creative, make costumes that you can wear during reading time. By doing this, you can encourage children to participate in the activity. Before you know it, they will be asking for their own lines in your mini-play.

• Have a field trip. There are two places that are a must-see for you and your kids. First is the bookstore. Once you have successfully made your kids interested in books, take them to the bookstore to find books they want to read. The next one is where the children will be able to see for real the characters they are reading about. If they are reading about dinosaurs, take them to a dinosaur theme park. If they are reading about Disney characters, visit Disneyland – that is only if you can afford.

(Source: Redbook)

http://www.mb.com.ph/node/283637/making-reading-exciting-and-fun-kid

Vampires Can't See In The Dark

Happy Halloween!!!

_______________

One evening, two vampire bats were hanging out in their cave. One said, "Man, I'm starving! I need to get some blood!" And he flew out of the cave.

He returned about three hours later with blood dripping from his mouth.

"Where'd you get the blood?" the other bat asked.

"Well, you fly out of the cave, and you see the first tree on the left?"

"Yes," the other bat replied.

"Well, I didn't."