About Me

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I'm a busy mother but I still find time to blog. Actually,I have a lovely daughter who inspired me to blog so you'll find my pages inundated with posts about her. I'm just new to blogging but I would like to post anything that pops up in my mind and share them. Since my first language is not English, please bear with me. I am open to suggestions and constructive criticisms. Please post your comments also. Thanks and happy reading....
Showing posts with label women. Show all posts
Showing posts with label women. Show all posts

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Woman's Power


There were 11 people - ten men and one woman - hanging onto a rope that came down from a helicopter.

They all decided that one person should get off, because if they didn't, the rope would break and everyone would die.

No one could decide who should go, so finally, the woman gave a really touching speech saying how she would give up her life to save the others, because women were used to giving up things for their husbands and children, giving in to men, and not receiving anything in return.

When she finished speaking, all the men started clapping.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Girlie Things (1)

Things Women Want to Hear, but Never Do
Wow, I just don't know what to do with this money we won in the lottery, so why don't you take it to the mall and see if you can find something to buy with it.

Hey, how about inviting your mother to spend the summer with us.

Oh, go ahead and eat that third piece of chocolate cream pie. If it's one thing I hate it's skinny women.

What luck, they had a special rental rate at the video store on romance movies.

You know, that Pam Anderson just doesn't seem to have the brain power that I find so attractive in a woman.

What a break, I won a prize on the radio station.... tickets to either the super bowl or the opening of the New York Ballet. I got first choice so pack your bags for New York, we get to go to the ballet!!!

Who wants to play golf when I can get to see how good the lawn looks when it's freshly mowed.

Shoot, there's nothing on TV but football games. Let's go furniture shopping.

Man I tell you, nothing feels better than getting all spruced up in a suit and tie.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Men vs. Women

When God created men and women, he designed each gender to have its own distinct qualities.....each to have a different  view about doing things,etc... The following differences between men and women really are very true. I have just realized the statements about "BATHROOMS", "SHOES",  and "DRESSING UP" apply to me and my hubby...lol

NICKNAMES: If Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle go out for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle. But if Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Useless.

EATING OUT: And when the check comes, Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack will each throw in $20 bills, even though it's only for $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators.

BATHROOMS: A man has six items in his bathroom-a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
from arcamax
GROCERIES: A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to the store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a soda. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less lane.

SHOES: When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit, then slip on Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under the desk. A man will wear the same pair of shoes all day.

CATS: Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

DRESSING UP: A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals.

LAUNDRY: Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the Laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the Laundromat. This is a myth perpetuated by re-runs of old episodes of "Love, American Style."

OFFSPRING: Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

One Wish Genie

There's this old but good joke about genies, wishes, and marriage. So far, I found this one very funny. Read on.....

_______
A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a bottle. She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold 'a genie' appeared! The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. 

The genie said, "Nope, sorry, three-wish genies are a storybook myth. I'm a one-wish genie. So... what'll it be?" 

The woman did not hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other and I want all the Arabs to love the Jews and Americans and vice-versa. It will bring about world peace and harmony." 

The genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Lady, be reasonable. These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm out of shape after being in a bottle for five hundred years. I'm good but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish and please be reasonable." 

The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know, one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and help with the house cleaning, gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time and is faithful. That's what I wish for... a good man." 

The genie let out a sigh and said, "Let me see that map again..." 

from arcamax

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

What Men Call their Women

What's in a name? Apparently, a lot more than you (or I) ever thought there was. Here's what his pet name for you really means..... 

Darling -- Depends on how he says it. If he stresses the first syllable, then he's probably done something wrong or wants money.

Dear -- Probably a leftover from his parents. Expect him to wear woolly cardigans, smoke a pipe and prefer a mug of Ovaltine to lager.

Sweetheart -- If it's said patronizingly, it's not so sweet. But when uttered in earnest, it may send your own sweet heart aflutter.

Babe -- Not to be confused with the film of the same name. Check for flares or signs that he's a 70s throwback. He's a bit of a medallion man. Chances are he's got his initials on his chunky ring. Leave immediately if he tries to sell you a second-hand car.

Baby doll -- This type of man will probably require you to wear transparent frilly nighties even in the dead of winter. He doesn't want you to grow up, and obviously can't deal with real women.

Princess -- Never trust a man who calls you princess. You may think you're being treated like royalty, but beware of Prince Charmings - they may be secretly plotting your over- throw.

Sexy -- Fine if you're sexy. If you're not, who cares? He probably thinks you are anyway!!

My girlfriend -- He's honest, open and probably glad to have you around. The next thing you know he'll be using your name!

The wife -- If you're married then he probably thinks he owns you. If you're not, he probably thinks you act like his wife, in which case, he thinks he owns you.

My other half -- You complete the set - he's only half a man without you. But it may make you feel as though you are losing your identity somewhere.

The missus -- See The Wife.

My partner -- He's right on. Probably likes eating tofu and hugging trees.

My significant other -- He's even more right on. Probably thinks it's cruel to eat tofu and that trees need their own space.

She who must be obeyed -- He thinks you're a nag, but probably doesn't lift a finger around the house. 
from arcamax jokes

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Don't Mess Around with Intelligent Women


One morning, the husband returns the boat to their 
lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and 
decides  to take a nap. Although not familiar with 
the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She 
motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet 
up, and begins to read her book.  

The peace and solitude are magnificent. 

Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his  boat.  
He pulls up  alongside the woman and says, 'Good 
morning,  Ma'am. What are you doing?' 

'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'isn't that 
obvious?') 

'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.  

'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.' 

'Yes, but I see you have all the equipment. For all 
I know you could start at any  moment. I'll have 
to take you in and write you up.'  

'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual 
assault,' says the woman.  

'But I haven't even touched you,' says the Game  
Warden. 

'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For  
all I know you could start at any moment.' 

'Have a nice day ma'am.' 
______
From jokedujour

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

A Reply To Man's Query

 To the women out there, do you agree with this?

Man says to God:  "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says:  "So you would love her."
Man says to God: "But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
God says:  "So she would love you."